Principles for living
Choosing small discomforts
In shortChoosing small, controlled discomforts shows a child they can cope, and changes ‘I won't manage’.
The idea
Seneca advised living now and then with little, so as to lose the fear of having little. From the point of view of the predictive brain, choosing a small, controlled discomfort gives evidence that one can cope, and that evidence changes the prediction ‘I won’t manage’. What counts is that it is chosen, small and with an end in sight: a walk in the rain, waiting for pudding, finishing a boring task.
What to try
- Propose small challenges the person agrees to, with an agreed end.
- Before, ask how hard it will be (0 to 10); afterwards, how hard it was. The difference is the evidence.
- Increase slowly, and only after several successes.
The common mistake
Imposing discomfort to ‘toughen someone up’; without choice and without an end in sight, what is learned is the opposite.
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Start here
Short, plain pieces by the researchers and good writers.
Books
Why most people recover, and what flexibility looks like in practice.
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The science behind itHow strong the evidence is, the model, videos and references.
How strong the evidence is
Promising Good studies, but little tested with children at home or school, or the step to daily life is our interpretation.
Seery, Holman and Silver (2010) found a U-shaped relationship between cumulative lifetime adversity and mental health outcomes: some adversity was associated with better outcomes than none or a great deal. In inhibitory learning (Craske et al., 2014), change depends on violating the expectation: measuring the prediction before and the outcome after maximises updating. In active inference, chosen and graded challenges give precise evidence about one’s own ability to cope, updating priors about the self. Choice and a predictable end keep control on the person’s side, which distinguishes this from imposed adversity.
References
- Seery, M. D., Holman, E. A., & Silver, R. C. (2010). Whatever does not kill us: Cumulative lifetime adversity, vulnerability, and resilience. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 99(6), 1025–1041.
- Craske, M. G., Treanor, M., Conway, C. C., Zbozinek, T., & Vervliet, B. (2014). Maximizing exposure therapy: An inhibitory learning approach. Behaviour Research and Therapy, 58, 10–23.
- Seneca (c. 65/2004). Letters from a Stoic (R. Campbell, Trans.). Penguin.
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