How we work
Flexibility: the right response depends on the moment
In shortPeople who cope well read the moment, have several ways to respond and change course when something is not working.
The idea
George Bonanno studied people who recover well from difficult situations. The difference was not one ‘good’ strategy but three things: noticing what the situation calls for, having several ways to respond, and noticing whether it is working so as to change course. No strategy is good or bad in itself: stepping away can help in one moment and get in the way in another.
What to try
- Help the child have more than one way to respond, and practise them when calm.
- Afterwards ask ‘did it work?’ and ‘what could you try next time?’.
- Show how you change strategy when something does not work for you.
The common mistake
Looking for the one technique that always works.
Want to know more?
Start here
Short, plain pieces by the researchers and good writers.
Books
Why most people recover, and what flexibility looks like in practice.
See on Amazon ›Grief and loss through research: more resilience than people thought.
See on Amazon ›Amazon links are affiliate links: if you buy, Bounded Uncertainty receives a small commission at no cost to you.
The science behind itHow strong the evidence is, the model, videos and references.
How strong the evidence is
Promising Good studies, but little tested with children at home or school, or the step to daily life is our interpretation.
External videos, chosen because they agree with these ideas. Bounded Uncertainty has no link to the channels.
References
- Bonanno, G. A., & Burton, C. L. (2013). Regulatory flexibility: an individual differences perspective on coping and emotion regulation. Perspectives on Psychological Science, 8(6), 591–612.
- Bonanno, G. A. (2021). The End of Trauma. Basic Books.
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