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The words we use change the child

In shortThe words adults use about a child come back to the child and shape what everyone expects, including the child.

The idea

The descriptions adults give of a child loop back to the child. If they often hear that they are ‘difficult’ or ‘anxious’, that changes what others expect of them, what they expect of themselves, and what they do. The philosopher Ian Hacking called this a looping effect; the psychiatrist Laurence Kirmayer studied how culture and words shape experience. Describing what happens, instead of using a label, leaves more doors open.

What to try

  • Talk about what happened (‘when the teacher changed the activity, you left the room’), not what the child is.
  • Notice how the child describes themselves, and where those words come from.
  • Ask the school for the same kind of description.

The common mistake

Using the label as an explanation in front of the child.

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Short, plain pieces by the researchers and good writers.

The science behind itHow strong the evidence is, the model, videos and references.

How strong the evidence is

A way of thinking A lens for interpreting what a child does, not a rule from trials.

More technical books

Attachment Across the LifecourseDavid Howe · 2011

Attachment and internal working models across life, written for professionals.

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Videos

External videos, chosen because they agree with these ideas. Bounded Uncertainty has no link to the channels.

References

  • Hacking, I. (1995). The looping effects of human kinds. In D. Sperber, D. Premack & A. J. Premack (Eds.), Causal Cognition (pp. 351–383). Oxford University Press.
  • Kirmayer, L. J., & Ramstead, M. J. D. (2017). Embodiment and enactment in cultural psychiatry. In C. Durt, T. Fuchs & C. Tewes (Eds.), Embodiment, Enaction, and Culture. MIT Press.

For professionals who want to dig deeper: Lumipedia ›

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