Myths
‘It’s an act, he does it to get what he wants’
In shortWhat works tends to happen again, but that does not mean the child planned it.
The idea
It is true that what works tends to repeat: if crying put off leaving, it is more likely to happen again. But that does not mean there is a plan. Often the child is reacting to something they anticipate, and the outcome teaches without anyone deciding it. Understanding what they anticipate helps more than arguing about intentions.
What to try
- Note what happens after the crying: what changed for the child?
- Agree the response in advance, so it is the same every day.
The common mistake
Giving in one day and getting tougher the next.
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Books
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The science behind itHow strong the evidence is, the model, videos and references.
How strong the evidence is
A way of thinking A lens for interpreting what a child does, not a rule from trials.
References
- Vidal-Perez, J., Dolan, R. J., & Moran, R. (2026). Distinguishing learning asymmetry from perseveration in behavioural models. Nature Communications.
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